Take me dancing naked in the rain

As we sat in our car in the rain in Woolies car park, the joys of camping were starting to wain once again. It all seemed like too much work, plus we couldn’t think of anywhere we could be fucked to go. It then dawned on us that rather than drive somewhere else, we could actually rectify our mistake and just return from whence we came... even if it did feel quite idiotic. But then again, it’s far from the most stupid thing we’ve done on this trip, and so we headed back to the same campsite and paid for another two nights. However, we picked a totally different spot, firstly as to not feel silly setting up in the same spot in which we’d taken the tent down only a couple of hours previous, but also we were worried that someone else would set up next to us and ruin our second stay. We picked a nice site further from the toilets and the free wifi, next to a small pond. The rest of the afternoon we sat about drinking, before going for a lovely walk along the beach. Feeling energised by our decision to stay, Becky decided to climb a fallen palm tree, but didn’t get very far.

At least the feet are off the ground

Full of beer and confidence, I decided to show her how to climb, but unbeknownst to me drinking doesn't help with coordination and had left my balance a little awry. This meant my first attempt almost saw me fall off and hanging upside down.

Confidence in climbing ability is higher when drinking

My more cautious second attempt was better, and I felt very proud of my achievement.

That'll do pig, that'll do

As we strolled back Becky then wrote a lovely message in the sand.

I heart you too

I replied by drawing a cock and balls.

Hil-fucking-arious

Feeling very pleased with ourselves, we wandered back to the campsite. Unfortunately, it turns out our choice of site wasn't so great and being near a pond meant there were shit loads of mosquitos at dusk. Feeling under attack we took shelter in the tent just as it started to rain again. Ah, the great outdoors!

The next day we decided that we should do something other than spend the whole day drinking around the campsite, and decided a day trip to Alligator Nest in Tully was a good way to spend our precious time. We hadn’t been to Tully since the start of the trip, 5 months earlier, and the weather hadn’t changed at all as it was still raining. At least the Tully's Golden Gumboot was open this time, and we got to climb it just as the rain picked up.

The number one Tully tourist arrtaction

By the time we got to Alligator Nest it was hammering down. We sat in the car wondering how long it would take to pass, and what we were actually doing with our lives. As we sat there in the pouring rain the car park filled with cars and trucks. A film crew had turned up and were filming a tourist commercial there, though it would take a shit load of CGI to make it look inviting in this weather. With no sign of a break in the weather and feeling like we were getting in the way, we left them to film in the rain. As we drove out of Tully the sunshine returned. I’m starting to think there is a rain cloud that constantly sits over Tully. Back at our site the sun was sort of shining, so we sat around drinking until the mosquitos chased us into bed. 

The next day we packed up for real, with a two night stay at Wallaman Falls, the tallest waterfall in Australia at 268m, next on the list. The owners of our house sit were leaving the next day, and we decided it would be best if we arrived the day after they had left. You may, at this point, be thinking “jeez, Tom, so she talked a lot. It seems a little OTT to adjust your entire camping schedule to avoid them”. However, I forgot to mention (perhaps blanked from memory, as a way of recovering) that on top of all the babbling, Diana had also showed us some photos of a sailing trip to Hinchinbrook Island. Amongst these shots were naked photos of her and her husband! Now, there wasn't any floppy sausage or hairy clam on show, but multiple photos of them on their boat, sans clothes and modesty barely hidden. Each time she’d sound surprised, and make a comment about perhaps she should have checked that folder first. NO FUCKING SHIT, PERHAPS THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BEST, AND PERHAPS AFTER THE FIRST PHOTO YOU SHOULD HAVE REALISED THIS WASN'T THE SORT OF THING YOU SHOULD SHOW PEOPLE YOU'VE JUST MET AND STOPPED. I’d been washing my eyes daily with soap since. We didn’t want to spend any more time with them out of fear of either being talked into a coma or being exposed to lurid images of the ageing process #metoo.

On our drive to Wallaman Falls we stopped at a lookout of Hinchinbrook Island, and despite the flashbacks from Diana’s photos, Becky took a nice artsy photo of the island from the shore.

Lovely views

We then quickly passed through Cardwell to pick up the cheap beer offer we’d missed out on last time and, feeling my man tits needed some attention, had some lovely fish and chips.

I just can't seem to shift the weight

Once we’d reached Wallaman Falls we set up camp, and then went to have a quick look at the falls. The walk to the base of the falls is quite tough, so we thought we’d have a quick gander, and come back the next day to do the walk. At the top of the falls there was a gang of young people, one of whom was American. As we walked past she exclaimed that we’d love the walk, and it’d be one of the best walks we’d ever done. How the fuck would she know what the best walks we’d done are? We’d reached a saturation point on waterfalls some months earlier, and while we were still enjoying them, it took something special to register anything more than a smile. Of course we didn’t say any of this to her, just replied back that we’d be doing it tomorrow. The whole group seemed over excited, and I didn’t want to spend too long interacting with them so we took a quick look at the waterfall, before heading back to the campsite to drink and complain about how young people don't even know they're born.

The next morning we awoke to grey skies and rain. It seemed like the best-walk-we’d-ever-do™ could be ruined by bad weather. Luckily this wasn’t to be the case as the weather had cleared before we started our walk. I would best describe it as a pleasant walk through thick rainforest, but nowhere near one of the best walks I’d ever done. I just wished those young fuckers were about so I could correct them on their presumptions about what I think is a good walk. At the bottom I had a little scramble over the rocks while Becky watched on.

I'm counting this as hard exercise

We spent some time enjoying the falls, before we decided it was time for the worst part of the walk… the trudge back up to the top. Before we left Becky decided to try some more yoga, and without wifi to check different poses, she had to freestyle. I think this may be the best one yet.

Rewriting the rule book

The walk to the top of the falls was far from one of the best walks ever, it fucking sucked. All those months of sitting about drinking and eating came back to haunt us as we puffed and panted our way to the top. Feeling slightly queasy, we took one last look at the fall before heading back to the campsite to eat and drink the calories we’d lost on the walk plus some more, naturally.

The original long drop

Back at the site we both expressed how happy we were that tomorrow we’d be out of the tent for a while. Having now seen a cassowary and completed the road trip check list, the last few days of camping had begun to drag and it was starting to feel like a chore once again. We were back to our moaning best, failing to appreciate how lucky we were. Becky managed to amuse herself by mocking my old man turkey neck, but the jokes on her, as she is the one that has to look at it.

Without TV, Becky amuses herself in our ways.

As dusk approached, and the mosquitos started to congregate, we got into the tent for the last time for a few weeks. As we lay there we could her the patter of rain against the canvas… I think I’m over camping.