Get outta my dreams, get into my car

We hadn’t been to Paluma Range NP before, so that was something. The campsite was quite full, what with it being a Saturday night and not far from Townsville. We found a quiet corner and got about our business of drinking and eating.

The next morning we decided to drive to Paluma’s other swimming holes, we started with the Rockslides. While Becky couldn’t be bothered to have a swim, I decided to have a go and sat in one of the rock holes. Becky took a photo, and the photo seems to show I have developed lady breasts. I think this may be because Becky has been slipping hormones into my pasta stir-in dinners… But I'm not too angry as they are quite pert for a 42 year old.

My eyes are up here

We walked up to the other pools, but found them full of children, and therefore kiddy piss, so decided it would be best to move on, but not before Becky dropped another yoga pose, Bālāsana, she’d looked up that morning… Don’t worry, Lorelle the triangle is coming!

I think this yoga pose is called "drunken collapse"

Having so many people cluttering the easy to reach pools, we decided to head for Little Crystal Creek, which was slightly more of a drive up the mountain and therefore, we thought, might be quieter. It wasn’t, but it was very beautiful and big enough to find a spot to swim alone.

Relaxation, after all that exercise

Becky insisted on trying another yoga pose, Shavasana. I can’t keep up anymore and to me it just looked like she was lying down.

Yoga pose "seizure"

It was a great spot, and we enjoyed watching some blokes jumping off the top of one of the waterfalls.

I really want to play with the cool kids

I also really wanted to jump into one of the pools, but decided I’d just watch them for now, and maybe try tomorrow when we pass the pools on our way to Mt Fox. This was where we would get to meet our potential housesit, Diana.

Back at the campsite, we went for an arvo swim in the Big Crystal Creek swimming hole. It was easier to get to and was very busy. We had a quick dip, and after we’d doused ourselves in old man skin and kiddy pee, went back to our site to drink and eat. That evening we had a lovely steak and salad, and as I’m the man (despite my perky breasts) I cooked the steak.

Proper food

The next day we headed to Mt Fox to meet Diana, to spend the night and be shown around the property. We’d had a few e-mail interactions since chatting on the phone and she came across as very nice, although Becky had noted that she seemed like a talker. We decided to take the slower “shortcut” across the range, so we could visit the Little Crystal Creek again as we expected it would be quieter on a cloudy Monday morning. When we got there we were all alone, and I started prepping myself for a big jump into the pools.

It's a bit high!

It’s hard to pluck up the courage to jump senselessly from a height when the person you're with doesn’t have the necessary amount of testosterone to egg you on to do it, but rather stares at you like the idiot you are. I managed the jump from <30cms, and was starting to eye a higher 1m jump, when a load of teenagers turned up and started jumping from the 3m mark. Realising I could never compete with their total disregard for safety, or lack of consideration for others so we moved up to another waterfall and away from their youthful shenanigans. At the next fall, Becky took her cue to try Lorelle's challenge of the triangle pose.

Does this count as a "triangle" pose?

However, she quickly realised that this one was way above her league and resorted to the easier Navasana pose using the rocks as support. To be honest, they are all above her level, even the laying flat one.

Yoga pose "fallen over"

I think she may have run out of ideas now, so fingers crossed this is the last of them. I went for another quick dip, jumping in from a >30cm point, and before I even had chance to swim to the edge, the gaggle of excitable teenagers decided our pool looked more fun. With that we took our leave and headed to the small village of Paluma.

Driving further up the range, we hit cloud and rain. This ruined our plans of visiting a few of the walks, as became clear when we tried one of the lookouts.

 

Spectacular

As all our walking plans had hit weather issues we arrived at the Mt Fox property early arvo, much earlier than we had planned. We met Diana and she seemed very nice, but Becky had called it and she was indeed a talker. Her husband was away buying a boat on the Gold Coast that they planned to sail back while we looked after their place.

After a “quick” 1hr introduction to herself, she took us round the 25 acres to show us the feeding routine. As we wandered around feeding the seven chooks, four ducks and two horses, Diana named every fruit tree and different plant they had including the weeds. By the time we’d got to the horses we’d reached information overload. We then found out one of the horses gets a little testy (and aroused) at feeding time. Diana went through a whole routine and how you have to be in charge and be firm with the hulking mass of animal, but this just seemed to get him even more aroused. It seemed quite an ordeal, and I don’t remember seeing that on an episode of Bonanza.

After a 2hr lesson on how to care for a 25acre property, we headed back to the house to start the fire that runs the oven and hot water. Diana had kindly offered to make us dinner, lamb shanks and roasted veges. As she prepared the dish she continued to chat to us. By 8pm I could feel blood dripping from my ears as I struggled through the fatigue to remain looking interested. I looked over at Becky to see her staring blankly at the floor. I was now on my own, and had to work twice as hard to feign interest despite my brain wanting to shut down. We finally sat down to eat at 10:30pm!!! Unfortunately, despite the vegetables being in the oven for forever, they were still almost raw. I did the English thing and polished off the raw potatoes while licking my lips and rubbing my belly, and looked over at Becky’s plate to see most of it untouched. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS AN OPTION…Damn you English genes!  

The next morning, Diana offered to make us scrambled eggs and in spite of us wanting to leave ASAP we politely accepted. It took her about 45mins to make them‼ The longest time in history to make scrambled eggs, but they tasted ok. After our 10am breakfast we left drained and shell shocked, but finally there was silence. The weather had become proper shit, and as we arrived in a rainy Ingham for the second time on this trip, we again had started to question this whole camping thing. We hate Ingham! Dejected, I bought a 30-pack of golds and we had another McDonalds for lunch before heading to Girramay NP. On our way we passed Cardwell and our hatred of Ingham increased further when we saw the same golds $10 cheaper. To comfort ourselves, we bought a six-pack of ice cream snickers. We did have a bit of an issue, as we don’t have a freezer, but because buying 6 is cheaper than 2, Becky’s plan was to give some to kids on the street. I warned her that this might get us in trouble in the current climate, and besides I wanted my 3, eating them all one after the other (and half of Becky’s last one when we reached Girramay). Perhaps my man-tits aren’t due to hormones after all.

At Murray Falls campsite, we set up in the drizzle and sat around drinking, as it started to seem like Becky’s foresight that the weather would break us would possibly come true.

I won't let the sun go down on me

That night I dreamt that we had exhaust issues. This wasn’t so weird, I haven't suddenly developed psychic abilities, but the mechanic in Brisbane had mentioned he thought we might have issues and over the last week it had been sounding a little noisier. That morning I decided to have a look under the car.

It's all about wearing the right gear

I discovered the rubber bracket by the muffler, which has been replaced in Broome, Perth and Adelaide, had again broken and the flanges weren’t that flush. It looks like it might be a tie between the weather and car issues that cause us to give up the second chapter of the trip……