It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to

We arrived at Watarrka national park around lunch time, and decided to eat before attempting the walk. Lunch consisted of digestives and cheese washed down with coke zero. It was some real gourmet shit. The walk itself starts with a hard 150m walk to the top of the canyon and our lack of training over the past 3 months was clear to see. We huffed and puffed, resting at the top by pretending we wanted to “take in the views”. Becky decided to give a different “yoga” pose a go; it was even funnier than the original.

If at first you don't succeed, try something new.

Since viewing these photos, Becky hasn’t stopped giggling about her attempts at yoga.

Once at the top the walk was fairly easy, and the effort was clearly worth it.

Stone dome

As we strolled the first 2km we were rewarded with some fantastic views and breath-taking scenery.

Big crack

There is an issue with long trips that you start to become saturated by amazing sights, and you can become a little cynical about some of the things you see, but so far the red centre hadn’t been one of those places. 

Cynical view

We stopped halfway to have some salted peanuts and water around a water hole that was a sacred place and we were asked not to swim in. It looked pretty manky, so we didn’t want to swim in it anyway.

No swimming

After about 4km we started to get tired, and it all started to look very similar. Overall it was a great walk, but I honestly think it was about 3km too long.

I'm out of here

We stayed at the Kings Canyon Resort, a place that had nothing but bad reviews and was the second most expensive campground we've stayed in after Yulara. As it was reasonably quiet, we didn’t mind it that much. I also finally got to have a shower, which Becky was very pleased about. 

As it was my birthday the next day, Becky snuck off and returned with a lovely surprise... 6 pack of Great Northern (they didn't have any Golds). I hadn’t had any beers since Laverton as the communities we were driving through were dry and I thought it best to not carry any alcohol. She then excitedly gave me my presents a day early; pack of pringles, marshmallows, chewy snakes, bite size mars and crispy m&ms. She also had a card, with a beautiful, touching message in it. It was a lovely gesture, and I was very happy with her gifts. For the next 10mins she talked about how well she’d done, and congratulated herself on her efforts. Once she’d finished patting herself on the back, she drank my beers and ate my snacks.

We continued the celebration with a sloppy pizza at the resort restaurant and then went to watch the sunset with everybody else that was staying in the resort.

Nothing like a sunset with your closest friends

As we went to bed a German man camped near us was cooking a lot of sausages and bacon. This riled Becky as she’d just washed the sheets and really didn’t want the tent smelling of pork. Luckily he stopped roughly the same time as Becky’s loud aggressive complaints to me had spilled into a “if that fat fuck doesn’t stop cooking soon I’m going to tell him I’m allergic to pork”.

The next morning the German man had bacon for breakfast. Becky wasn’t as angry as she was the previous evening, I think because the alcohol had worked itself out her system. She’s a very aggressive drunk, and I have to watch myself when she hits the sauce.

We decided to head for Finke Gorge NP, driving the Larapinta Drive loop. The drive itself was pretty easy, although there was a small section with terrible corrugations that brought back nasty memories from Mitchell Falls. The engine light came on too, for the first time since we left the Great Central highway… It seems the car enjoys corrugated roads as much as us.

We stopped in Hermannburg to have some birthday scones at an old missionary. They were very tasty, washed down with chocolate milkshake… cos I’m 42, init.

Who's a happy birthday boy?

The drive into Finke Gorge was quite rough, and again the engine light came on. For some reason I started to actually get a little concerned about this. Up to this point we had become quite blasé about it, but what if this was worse than I thought? I only have internet knowledge, and don’t really know anything about engines. We decided that once we had phone reception again I’d call a mechanic in Alice and get some proper advice. For this reason, we decided we would just camp here, and not risk the tougher drive into Palm Valley, where the actual walks were… this gave us a good excuse to just laze around.

That'll do pig

That evening we got to enjoy the sunset without the crowds. The campsite was very quiet, with only a few other campers. It was a great spot and a great end to my birthday.

Not the same without all the people around

By mid morning the next day all of the other campers had left. We didn’t really have much to do, and with the temperature reaching 40 degrees it was just as well. My biggest achievement of the day was finally unblocking the cars rear window washer! I just used our air compressor to blast the blockage out and I felt like I'd conquered my nemesis.

My other task was to work on something that caught my eye when we were in Perth. During our two-week period in the south, as my homeless man tan started to fade, I noticed how white my thighs were. Because I normally wear quite long shorts, my upper legs miss out on all that melanoma inducing sunlight. Now we were back in the heat, I decided that for the first time in my life I was going to sun my thighs.

Vogue, muthafucker!

It turns out sunbathing is boring as fuck, so after 10 mins I gave up, and we went to explore the area… but I made sure the thighs weren’t covered.

Bringing sexy back

The rest of the afternoon we pottered about the camp. As the afternoon wore on a few other campers came into the site. A young couple came over to borrow a pen, they seemed very pleasant and we chatted for a bit. As we talked the bloke asked how we could afford this. I was a little confused, and said by working for money. I realise now that I should have explained that we are middle-aged and have no kids or mortgage so aren’t shackled by the usual constraints imposed on grown-ups. We’re free, to do what we want, any old time, I said love me, hold me, love me, hold me, cause I’m free.

The next morning we left and drove the track out without issue.... except the engine light, that came on after 10 mins. We drove back into Hermannburg and started researching mechanics, as we do whenever we near a big town. The one with the best reviews said he could see the car as soon as we hit Alice Springs. He said as long as the car isn't in limp mode he wouldn't worry and it could wait until we'd explored the West MacDonnell ranges. 

We visited Goose Bluff first, the site of a meteor impact millions of long time ago. It was a 6km drive along a 4wd track and the engine light came on again, but I bet you guessed that would happen. It was ok, but it was no Wolfe Creek. It was here I decided to answer Becky's yoga challenge, and threw up what I think we can all agree was the winning pose. Forty-two and still as supple as a new born child!

Fucking killing it