And now the end is near, and so we face our final curtain.

Packing up and getting back in the shitty crusier did not fill us with any joy. It felt like a good time to leave Mt Fox, but the thought of the tent was only a marginal improvement. We said our teary goodbyes to the horses and chooks, but didn’t worry about the characterless ducks, and drove out of Mt Fox for the last time. We decided to cut the journey to Brisbane into 5 days and 4 nights, that way we wouldn’t have to spend too much time in the car on any one day. That first day we would drive as far as we could, but incorporate a few stops on the way, including Jourama Falls. It took us a couple of hours to get there, only to discover it was a good 4km walk to the actual falls. It was too hot and there were a shit load of mosquitos hanging about, so we walked ~500m, took a shot of the creek then broke for lunch at a lovely little spot you could drive to.

Seen it, so lets bounce

After lunch neither of us could be bothered with the hassle of having a swim and all the shebang of having to dry yourself, hang all the wet clothes and towels and all that shit. So we fucked off sharpish, not really knowing where we’d be spending the night. Although the number of hours of light left in the day would put us in the Bowen region, we decided against calling in unannounced again on Kris and Nan, feeling this would be a little too much of a piss take of their generosity. Instead we drove a little further to a cheap campsite called Taylorwood Tourist Park, and it was full of my favourites, backpackers. The cheapness shone through in the maintenance and general up keep of the place. Becky went to the unisex bathroom, and came back scarred by what she said was one of the worst toilets she’d seen. I took a look expecting the worse, and found what I consider a toilet in average condition; it didn’t even have any shit stains near the seat. At this point we realised that we’d had very different toilet experiences on this holiday and when toilets are shared ladies come out a lot worse off. Maybe equality in all areas is not a good thing, and perhaps someone should tell the feminists.

The place wasn’t all bad, particularly a cute dog that kept bounding about wanting us to throw sticks for it. The owners of the park had written notes to say we shouldn’t throw sticks for it, so I just tried to do it on the sly.

Making friends where ever we go

Despite playing with the dog in the morning, we still managed to get packed up and on our way reasonably quickly. We were only going to drive a short distance that day, stopping at Cape Hillsbourgh national park for a night. The campsites there were great, and luckily we were early enough to get a great spot away from people in an assigned area with no neighbours. The site was right on the beach, and the sea looked very inviting. I asked the national park office on the phone if we could swim, but they told us there were warnings of marine stingers and estuarine crocodiles, so I took that as a no. Unable to swim we took our last walk along the beach for this holiday.

Lovely afternoon stroll

It was a very hot day and a swim would have been nice, but crocodiles and stingers aren’t nice. It was so picturesque that Becky decided to finish her yoga odyssey on a bang. She remembered herself being able to do the spider walk (Chakrasana), and thought this would be the ideal way to end. Unfortunately for her, our sedentary lifestyle of the past 6 months had left her unable to get anywhere close. Fortunately for me, it was fucking hilarious to watch, and I managed to take a few photos despite the tears of laughter. Unfortunately for you, she has forbidden me from sharing them on the blog. Instead she decided to finish with the far more dignifying standing one, Tadasana.

Yoga pose: "Jazz hands"

And with the excitement over, we returned to camp to drink and eat. Becky also saw a great opportunity to take some picturesque photos of the shit we want to sell, and as we were trawling through the gear we pulled out the toilet seat we’ve carried the whole journey and never used. We both agreed that even though we’d never used it, it had no resale value. So I decided we should at least use it once.

The seat IS up

After getting all the stuff photographed, we could finally relax again and enjoy our final bit of beach camping.

Lazing on a sunny afternoon

We had a lovely day, chatting and drinking in the baking heat, watching the tide go out and listening to the birds sing. As the evening came, Becky decided to try out the toilet seat for real, to see if it did help her pee in the bushes. She said I could share this one, so you can imagine how embarrassing the yoga photo must have been.

Marking her territory

While it helped not having to squat, she also ended up spraying the base of the toilet, meaning she had to clean it afterwards with baby wipes before it could be packed away. So, we carried a toilet seat around Australia that was, in fact, not really fit for purpose and definitely would have been a disaster if one of us had dared use it for a dump. The things you learn on the road.

The next morning we carried on our trip south. The camping so far hadn’t been that bad, but we were both really looking forward to getting out of the tent. We were ready for this to end. Becky had picked out Alkoomi Adventure Park as our stopover for the night. It was a working farm, and suited our needs perfectly. As the sun set some of the cows wandered near the tent giving us a lovely countryside feel.

With a moo-moo here, and a moo-moo there

There were very few other campers there, just us and two other campervans, but after dark another car turned up at the empty site. Can you guess where the fuckers parked? As it was the penultimate night, I really didn’t give two shits anymore. In fact it seemed quite funny, although Becky was still unable to see the funny side. In the morning we had the awkwardness encountering our close neighbours, trying to avoid eye contact whilst half awake. They were backpackers and slept in the car. They were so close I could tell one of them was French because she stank of Gitanes. Becky took a photo to again show you how little personal space some people have.

Two girls, one cup

After all that awkwardness we were, without much fuss, once again back on the road in the shitty crusier. For our last night we thought we’d spend the night at Wongi State Forest again. It had a nice swimming hole and there was only one other camper booked to stay there. When we got there, there was fella packing away. He came over and had a chat, telling us he worked as a journalist testing the Kings gear and asked us how we found the stuff. I started off being quite “English interacting with a stranger” about it, but then started to moan like an Englishman among friends, pointing out all the gear that had failed. It felt good to have a moan, even if nothing came of it. Having a moan always makes me feel good. Feeling refreshed by the moan, we went for a lovely swim in the creek.

Marking her territory again

It was a great spot, and we had a lovely cold refreshing swim. As I went for a shower, the only other person staying there mentioned that the ladies showers were much better than the males, and that they’d just installed brand new toilet bowls in both the male and female toilets that morning. Seeing as there were only three of us at the site, and two of us were male, I took the opportunity to christen the unused bowl in the female toilets that had not yet been soiled by Becky. It was great, and felt an apt last shit on the road, especially seeing how our toilet habits have been such a large part of the whole experience. Refreshed and emptied, we had our final drinks and din-dins and I got back to doing another large component of this holiday… writing this fucking blog.

My favourite pastime

As darkness fell we enjoyed our final night of drinking under the stars and started getting all teary eyed that our journey was coming to an end. The next morning we awoke to the sound of birdsong, sad that this was our final morning in our tent. We had been looking forward to getting off the road and into proper housing again, but now it was here we were sad that not only had we reached the end of the holiday, but also the end of an era and our nine years in Australia. We both knew that we were unlikely to be camping again any time soon, and there is a distinct possibility we may never again. And so we took in the beautiful view from our bed for the last time.

This little piggy went to market

We packed up for the last time, trying our hardest to take in the smells and sounds of the great Australian outdoors before starting up the crappy cruiser for the last leg of our journey. Even packing up the prick of a tent felt quite sad.

Never got easier

Packed up and ready to go, we went for a final swim in the creek, trying to savour every moment.

All good things...

Refreshed from our morning swim, we got in the car and waved goodbye to our nomadic lifestyle. As we drove out of the forest, we chatted nostalgically about our Australian adventures, our love of nature and wildlife and all the fantastic places we’d seen. Then the engine light came on, the nostalgia fog lifted and all I wanted to do was drive the piece of shit cruiser into the sea. For our next midlife crisis I'm getting a new sports car and Becky's getting yoga lessons.

THE END

The end of the road trip also signals the end of the blog. Although I am planning to write an epilogue about our final month in Australia, packing up, selling gear, saying our goodbyes, a few stats, highs and lows of the trip etc... this won’t be posted until February. I doubt many of you will remember to come back for that, so I'll thank the remaining 10 of you now for following our journey over the past 6 months. I hope you have enjoyed reading the blog, because I have fucking hated writing it.